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In the year 2024, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain in Sydney for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark. “Noah!,” He roared, “I’ve started the rain in Sydney! Where is the Ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.” “I needed a Development Application, a Construction Certificate and a Builder’s Licence, Insurance, consent from my neighbours, a kerbside deposit, Site Survey, Engineering, Energy Efficiency Compliance Certificates, Fire Certification, and a full set of signed off working drawings.”

“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for an on-board sprinkler system.” “My neighbours claim that I’ll violate the neighbourhood zoning and Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my backyard, and exceed the height limitations. We had to wait five months for a Council Planning Committee decision.”

“Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Mopoke.” I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the Mopokes – but no go!”

“When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

” I was stopped by unions and the Building Commission for not using Registered painters, plumbers, and Electricians. Stopped again by Health and Safety because they wanted more scaffolding, Ladders, harnesses, ramps and Hi-vis clothing. All my tools had to be tested and tagged by electricians too!

Then the local council demanded we provide Disabled Toilets, signs in Braille, widen passages and install ramps everywhere.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint from The Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building gang.” “Everything then stopped when Immigration started checking The Visa status of most of the people who wanted to work.”

“The trades unions even said I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.”
“To make matters worse, the Australian Taxation Office seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.” “So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.” Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy us?”

“No,” said the Lord.

“The Australian Government’s beaten me to it.”

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